The Tale of John's Horse
by guy23skippy
Summary: Just a short little humor I wrote. Sorry if I got the Irish meeting a little wrong, I finished the RDR story a long time ago so kind of forgot. One-Shot


**The Tale of John's Horse**

**A one-shot.**

**Please enjoy :)**

'_Hey there, beautiful.' _The hitched steed said to a fellow horse. John had gone inside the gunsmith to buy some repeater ammo so he hitched his Kentucky saddler Santiago, named after a Spanish man, right next to the owner's own mount.

'Oh har har har! You are one funny horse! You sure know how to flatter one old pony!' Just then John walked out of the gunsmith in Armadillo cursing. It seems he didn't get a good deal for ammo. He gathered Santiago's reins and started walking away.

'I'd love to stay but it seems my duty calls!' As Santiago and his master walked away they noticed screaming and gurgling noises coming from the barn.

"What the hell is going on in there!" John called out.

"Go away filthy American!" came a French voice in response. As John peeked in he noticed two men trying to drown a scrawny man with quite a big beard. Wonder what he was trying to make up for? Through gurgling noises John heard noises that sounded quite like 'PLEASE', 'HELP', And " YOU B******!"

John un-holstered his Cattleman Revolver and pointed it to the two men. One was obviously French. The other seemed Welsh… "Let that poor man go you bastards!" John shouted as he fired a warning shot.

The men let him go, but only so they could reach for their own revolvers. John handled them without a challenge. "Oh thank you so much! My names Irish, what's yours?" He said holding out a hand.

John reluctantly grabbed it and replied by saying his own name and asking what they wanted. "Well y'know Johnny Boy, same old same old. Can't quite remember…I think I might have slept with Welsh's wife? Or did I owe French some money? Oh well! The point is I owe you big time! Whatever you need I can help you with." John considered this information for some time before asking his next question.

"Do you happen to know a Mr. West Dickens?"

"Why yes! Him and me go waaay back! Used to go out drinkin' and gamblin' sometimes!"

"Do you happen to know where I could find a gatling gun?"

"Of course!" Irish answered cheerfully.

"I'll be back Irish…I'll be back" Said John, ending the conversation. As he saddled up Santiago he heard vomiting behind him. John turned around to notice Irish wiping his mouth on his sleeve and a very disgusting puddle next to Santiago's back hooves. 'Man that is just ridonkulous! Do you know how much these hooves cost? First I have to look at your hideous beard then you hurl on my feet? What is your problem?'

The next thing that John, Santiago, and Irish knew, Santiago kicked Irish in the face! He flew about five feet back and Santiago went into frenzy! He was running in circles and trying to buck John off! You would have thought that he was a silly old donkey!

'URGGHHH NEEEEIGH!'

Santiago hurtled off into the sunset with John barely hanging onto the sunset. "Santiago stop this right now you dumb beast!" John screamed. He was going to lose his hat! Just then three bandits came out of nowhere and started shooting at the awkward rider. "This is just perfect! #%!*$$!" An uncontrollable string of curses followed.

'Awww chiznit!' Bullets whizzed past Santiago's head. Then two landed into his arse! Santiago fainted. John was luckily still alive and able to grab his Winchester Repeater, and killed off the bandits.

"SANTIAGO! DAMMEET! GEDDUP! BEFORE MORE COME!" But Santiago was unable to listen to John's cries of help. Santiago had lived a very noble life of a bandit turned government boy. He was able to flirt with beautiful fillies (young female horse.) And he got to run far, far distances for his master. Santiago was in an endless dream of being able to raise his own foals and just run until he could run no more. He loved his master and his mummy. He loved his life. But his life had come to an end.

**RIP Santiago**

**1909-1911**

**A horse to some, but to John a friend. **

**But always loved.**


End file.
